:: rachel. more than just a word ::
...Rachel. More Than Just A Word...
May 31, 2006
TWINKLES OF ME
the question of whether God really does exist used to always play in my head. well, at that time, i was still contemplating and confused and also refuse to commit myself to any religion. mostly because, EVERYONE confuses *me*!
how? let *me* tell you my story...
when i was REALLY young, hmmMMmm, prolly around the age of 5, my parents were too busy to take care of *me*. their job were their priority. (yes. awwww + sob sob) i was put under the care of this REALLY nice woman, aunty angeline. well, she teaches *me* the ways of a christian....that being, constantly praying, be thankful to God always always, be an obedient child, so on and so forth. so, at that moment, i really believe in God and like being a christian.
my parents on the other hand, are buddhist. and they are very religious people. they would always try to bring *me* to the temple and teach *me* how to pray to idols and such. being the curious kid i was, i kept wondering, "what is mommy and daddy doing? why are they talking to the doll?". with my eyes looking up and down and everywhere around and also half fainting because of the constant inhaling of incense smell, i just did what they wanted *me* to do. so i kneel and pray.
when i was 9, i transferred to another primary school in shah alam. that being said, i was in a school with the majority of students being muslims. and you won't believe what happened to *me* at that time. i was made SITI FATIMAH by my muslim friends! yes. SITI FATIMAH (no offense meant to the SITI FATIMAHs reading this), of ALL names. i was persuaded millions of times to join their religion. they made *me* utter these 2 lines (which i didn't know whether it's correct or wrong by the way) from the Quran which will convert *me* to a muslim. well. if you're wondering, YES. i did (don't judge *me*! i was NINE)....and i was expecting some miracle to happen, like a streak of light shining down on *me* or angels floating around *me* or................you know where i'm getting at la. YES. i was naive....and perhaps at SOME point...(yah yah. say it along if you want to...) stupid.
well, at the age of 14, i figured i've had enough. i drift and stay away from nything with the word RELIGION. i want to be free.......and think.....for myself. so...you prolly would have guessed what i became. YUP YUP YUP! a FREE THINKER. (yay. aren't you the smart one) hhhhMmmmM...i gotta say, the amount of comments i got from different people were countless. even a cab driver once condemned *me* for being a malaysian and not fulfilling the principles of the "rukun tetangga" which states you have to have a religion, yadda yadda yadda.
at that time i thought. who CARES? i'm happy.
until ONE fine day, it hit *me*. my church's youth worker, wei shen, gave this sermon on "Consistency in Prayers". that was the day...it SLAPPED *me* right in the face, like PIAAAK! and i cried and cried and cried and cried and cried and oh, did i mention CRIED? the whooooolllleeeee DAY! i don't know how, i don't know why. it just hit *me*. and i'm really glad it did.
and yes. God does answer prayers. he answered many of mine....and i'm really glad that i found Him again.
i said AGAIN because...i was once a believer. and then i doubted Him. i became one of His lost sheeps.
2:13:00 AM
the one who speaks
rachel
bits and crumbs
Once upon a time there was a cow. Yes. A cow. And this cow had a friend. Friend was a sheep. See, both of them were green. In that place they lived in, all things were made green. The mushrooms, the potato land, the trees, the mosquitoes. And suddenly came down a star, CRASHING down to their planet, and ALL things became kalerful! And that star was ME. Rachelli. Ngyahahaha. *Scwoll down pwease*
